Here is a link to a very fascinating article in Readers Digest regarding adoption of older children and attachment disorders.
Reader's Digest Article
While Toby was not in an orphanage, and was not this old when he was brought into our family, attachment is always our primary concern. He has been home eight months now, and I still fear sometimes whether what I have done or said will effect him in a negative way.
There is so much concern about adopting an older child. For us, it was easy to say "we want to keep birth order" so we have to have a younger child. While that is very much true, and the main emotion behind our decisions, those decisions were also made with an extent of fear, based on attachment issues. Was that selfish? Maybe.. maybe not. It would not be fair for us, considering where we are in our lives and the children we have in our home, to have brought a child into our home that would need so much attention... attention we could not have adequately provided. That would not have been fair to the child, or our other children, etc.
I am so thankful that God has equipped people, like the lady in this article, to handle these situations, and be the angels that so many orphans in this world need! Please always be praying for the orphans around the world, especially those over the age of 3, who are much less likely to be adopted.
Would love to hear your thoughts...
God is Good
The story of the Mills' Family. Nate and Carol have been married since 1997. Taylor was born in 1998, Drew was born in 2001 and Toby was born in 2005 and joined our family forever in 2007. Here is our journey, where God leads us, we will go. That is my prayer.
3 comments:
Carol, I really enjoy reading your blog. I'm right with you on attachment. That is one thing that gets drilled into your head during an international adoption. At some point I just had to trust that we were following God's will and He would equip us for any problems that came our way. The possibility of RAD does seem more scary when there are already children in the home.
I read that story and totally agree with your post!
I also agree with Kelly - God equips us for what He will send our way!
Carol,
I had heard about this article but hadn't had the opportunity to read it. I admire this lady and others like her who can take on children with attachment issues of this degree. Attachment is so huge and every adoptive parent needs to be ready to deal with it. I think people thought we were crazy and way over protective when we brought Ethan home. We even upset a few family members during those first few months of being home because we asked them not to hold and cuddle him at first so we could establish ourselves as his parents. Adopting an older child is a different ballgame. It's not like you can bathe them, change their diapers and feed them to facilitate attachment. I will continue to join you in praying for older children who are adopted. Thanks for bringing this up for discussion.
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