Well, today has been quiet a reflective day. Today, 4 years ago, I walked into my doctors office hoping to hear my little guys heart beating. I walked out of that office a changed woman. As I think back on the day, the pain is as if it just happened. I can remember every moment of that day, yet it seems dream like (or should I say nightmarish?). But that is not all that is heavy on my heart today!
I have a friend I have known for nearly 15 years that is in the process, with her husband, of adopting their first child. This friend lost her baby almost a year after we lost Kaleb. Well, she has recently been contacted by a birth mother about adopting her baby. There is much more to this story, but I want to get to my point here, without going on about her details.
As I think of this birth mother, who as I type is likely holding her baby and trying to decide what her future holds, I can't help but feel burdened. I look at Toby and the blessing that he is in our lives and I thank God for the woman who was able to look into his beautiful, thoughtful eyes and say to herself "I can not give you what you deserve in life". How heartbreaking! And I feel guilt! Guilt that I can be so excited about her pain. Does that make sense! My life has been blessed beyond my wildest imagination (God has done immeasurably more than I could have asked for or imagined" Eph 3:20). Yet it came at the expense of a young mother, who every day wonders about the boy with the beautiful, thoughtful eyes!
So this is my prayer. This young, teenage birth mother, may she feel God's guidance, strength, peace and comfort in her decision. That she seek His counsel as she makes her final decision. That if she chooses to let her baby go, to these wonderful, loving parents that are praying for a child, that she can hold her head high, knowing that she did it out of love. A love for her child that is so strong that she must say "I can not care for you as you deserve little one, so I will carry the pain, so you don't have to."
I do not know what is going to happen for my dear friend and her husband. But I do know that there are no absolute winners in this situation. No matter what decisions are made, lives will be changed forever. A beautiful baby has been born, and that in and of itself is a miracle! God will work out the rest!
As I prayed for my friend, God brought me to Jeremiah 32:17 ""Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you."
He has it all planned! God is Good!
The story of the Mills' Family. Nate and Carol have been married since 1997. Taylor was born in 1998, Drew was born in 2001 and Toby was born in 2005 and joined our family forever in 2007. Here is our journey, where God leads us, we will go. That is my prayer.
2 comments:
Carol,
God has given you the most amazing and thoughtful heart! I will be praying for all of you on this day!
I love you!
Traci
Hi, I came upon your family's page via Gracie Lockyer's Caringbridge site. I was a follower and continue to pray for her family. I was curious about your babies. I tried to go back and find out what happened and so forth but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing with me about all of the little ones you've lost. I am blown away that you have lost 4 but also happy that you have 4 angels watching over the rest of your family and Gracie makes 5 as I'm sure she is watching over all who have prayed for her. my email is mheath10706@yahoo.com and I would love to hear your story. I have two babies here and 4 in heaven. All four of mine were miscarriages, but I still believe that when I get to heaven they will be waiting for me and I will know they are mine.
Love in Christ,
Melissa Heath
Pollocksville, NC
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