How can you love him the same?

When you are going through the adoption process, you’d be crazy if these thoughts didn’t go through your mind. For that matter, when you have a second child, no matter how that child comes into your life, those thoughts go through your mind!

I always knew that we, Nate myself and the kids, had plenty of love to give to a child. But when you welcome a child into your home, that is already 2 years old, how does that happen? How does the love just “come”? These are all things I wondered, but always knew that being in God’s Will… it would just happen. And it did. Before Toby was home, I was in love with a photo and videos of this, chubby cheeked little boy. I can not tell you how many times I looked at his photos and watched his video with tears in my eyes waiting for him to be in my arms. As I waited at that International Gate at O’Hare, it was literally like waiting on my child who had been on a 2 year vacation away from me. There was no doubt that he was mine, and that I would not be complete at that moment until he was in my arms.

Did I love him the same way I loved Taylor and Drew, absolutely! Was it instantaneous, absolutely! Does it work like that for everyone, NO WAY!! I know that we are an exception. There were so many requests that I brought to The Lord before Toby’s arrival. I prayed that he would stay healthy, and he did. I prayed that he would not be sick from the plane and altitude adjustments, and he wasn’t. I prayed that he would recognize us from the photos we sent, and he did. I prayed that he would make eye contact with us quickly and often, and he did! I prayed that he would eat well, AND HE DID! I prayed that he would not be afraid of our large animals, and he wasn’t. I prayed that he would handle his carseat okay, and he did. I could go on and on! But I have heard many adoption stories where these things were not so easy. Whether by people who adopted infants, or whether it was a toddler, all of these things often times can be a huge issue.

I have heard of people, 6 months after their child was home, rejoicing in the kiss they finally received. Toby gave me a kiss on the train at the O’Hare airport, only hours after he was placed in my arms. So you may ask, what did they do right? NOTHING! I’m sure we screwed things up many times! I’m sure we did lots of things wrong. But the one think I know we did, and did often, is pray. All of the above requests and issues I was concerned about, I not only prayed about often, but I asked others to pray specifically about many of those things.

We hope that God will provide an opportunity to adopt again. But I am honest with myself, in knowing that we may not be so lucky next time. We may not have all the same answers to our prayers. We may have a child that does not want to look us in the eyes. We may have a child that makes it more difficult to love in the same way. But I can promise you one thing. If God does allow us to do this all over again, I wouldn’t do a thing differently, and I know I will love that child no matter.